We had a long colloquy with Pastor Diego one night of October. This was prior to our Big Day at the Philippine Embassy here in Doha. We just want him to counsel us on our new journey and have some spiritual advice on marriage and building a family. Between sips of brewed coffee and bites of cheese croissants at Coffee Beanery, chit-chats about career and families and his own lovestory (which is a good material for a rom-com flick) here is a list of what I grasped on that special night.
1. Marriage is a covenant. It is a sacred relationship that unites two lives into one flesh. As it is written in the Bible. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept. Then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. And the LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man and brought her to the man. And the man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife and they shall become one flesh. (Ge 2:21, 22, 23, 24)
2. Manage your finances. Plan to have your own house within five years. Logical explanation for this is that, your in-laws will inevitably meddle on how to discipline your offspring. You don’t want your kids to be spoiled by their grannies.
3. Never involve your parents or families on fights. No matter how bad your partner’s family is, he/she will find ways to reason out to defend them. It is because, we will always be a part of that family and it is our instinct to cling on to that truth. And besides, petty quarrels may become worse if it reaches the other side of the fence. As much as possible, solve the conflict within the walls of your house.
4. Help your family but know its parameters. Remember: You have your own family now and it is your top priority. Discuss this first before giving any amount. You might end up sending your money for electric bills.
5. Marriage is teamwork. This is a universal truth especially on household chores. Since both of us are working, we need to have proper assignments on this. Note to her: Just don’t give me the pot or else, it’s gonna be fried egg all your life.
6. A wife must submit to her husband. Haha. This is my fave part. Pastor emphasized the symbol of veil in marriage, that, no matter what happens, the wife should submit to her husband’s authority. Likewise, husband shall be fully responsible for her. She should be supportive for all his decisions. He must be mature enough to handle familial situations.
7. A, Pastor, what would I do if she starts nagging? Hehehe. I really took courage to ask this since I am currently bombarded with nags and mood swings at this wedding prep stage. Am sure though that this will continue through marriage phase. His answer: Just listen. She’d definitely stop when she gets tired. And then, when she’s tired and pacified, give her a hug. That’s it. I dunno, if this’ll work but worth a try though.
8. And most of all, always remember that Love is the only reason why people get married. LOVE, as simple as that. Of course, with God as the center of this relationship, love will always lead us back home, when we are at lost.
These eight-fold lessons will surely be used as we go along this journey. Hope we will be able to be more mature as we unfold life’s mysteries and discoveries together.
And with that, we will always be forever grateful for a humble soul who shared his thoughts on marriage one night of October.